My son Shawn is an 8 yr with Mitochondrial disease complex 4. He has always had low energy and low muscle tone but hasn't been fully diagnosed until recently. He just finished the play "High School Musical" as the lead Troy Bolton and did very well. I'm not sure if this confidence sparked other areas of interest or simply because Troy played Basketball that urged Shawn to sign up. So like his brother Ryan who signs up for all the sports, Shawn decided to give it a whirl. Now, knowing that my son can't even remotely keep up with the rest of the kids his age, I had serious doubts. After talking it over with my wife we decided to let him go ahead and try it. We don't want to hold him back from trying anything that he wants to do.
Saturday at 2:00 rolls around and he is excited. He has been talking about it all day. We get to the gym and there must be 100 kids in here along with their parents. So after signing in I took a seat. I look up and they are running laps to get loose. Oh boy, I think to myself knowing that he isn't going to be able to keep up. On the second lap the group is lapping Shawn. He stops by me and says "Dad I am so embarrassed", as my heart sank lower into my chest I answered with "If you need to take a rest you just go ahead". He continued the lap and stopped at the other side as the other kids finished their 2nd lap. I have never felt more embarrassed for him or more proud of him for sticking with it!
Next drill is dribbling the ball while running in and out of the cones. As i watched him do this, I thought he was doing very well and not all the kids were great at this like running laps. So after a few times through the line he came over to me with a tear in his eyes and said "I don't want to play basketball anymore". He was citing reasons like I heard the kids saying things about me, I'm not very good at this, these kids are a lot better, I'm not fast and the list went on.
I spoke to the coach of the group, which i knew because Shawn plays with his son. He was very understanding and re-assuring. He even told Shawn that he would be on his team! It didn't matter, his mind was made up. I told him i was very proud of him for trying and that if he wanted to come back next week he could.
As we left I felt mixed emotions. I was extremely proud of Shawn for trying, but I never felt so bad for him at the same time. You see, I knew going into this that he was going to struggle with keeping up with the other kids. I wasn't sure if I did the right thing as a parent. Could i have avoided all this embarrassment for him? Should i be more selective about what i let him sign up for?
I can imagine that these decisions are only going to get more difficult as he gets older.
What would you do if you were in my place? How would you handle the situation? Would you let him sign up from the beginning? Why or why not?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
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I think your the best father and you made the right decision. He is so lucky to have such a caring and loving father.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing, because you were doing what you thought was in the best interest of Shawn. You can only do the best you can. You love your son and will do anything for him.
ReplyDeleteWe all have different strengths and opportunities to improve. The only way to discover those things is to try. Shawn is a role model and a complete success for trying basketball. He needs to know this.
Your challenge will be not putting preconceived limits on him or him on himself. I saw him deliver a remarkable performance in front of a large audience. That could not have been easy, but he handled it spectacularly.
Please don't second guess yourself, your heart is always in the right place. You are entering uncharted territory and will learn as you go. All Dads do. Shawn knows that you are doing the very best you can for him. Even if it is not top of mind in any given moment. He is growing up to be a well adjusted young man. I am proud that he is Anthony's friend. He is one of the only 3rd graders that goes out of his way to say "hi Tony" and acknowledge others. He has a great personality that should be nutured. It will take him anywhere he wants to go.
I know I don't fully understand what you are going through or all of the challenges Shawn faces, but I hope I can provide another perspective. If I can be a resource, please let me know. I will be coaching little league in the spring. Baseball is a thinking man's game (not as much running)and may be a better fit for Shawn. If he doesn't want to play but wants to be involved, I would be happy to teach him to manage, coach and score the game.
So do your research, ask for guidance, engage Shawn and trust your instincts. Nobody knows Shawn better than you.
Tony D
Hey Tony,
ReplyDeleteThanks for being there - I appreciate your thoughts on the situation too. As for the Little League maybe we will give it a shot this year and see how it goes.
Jeff